yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
