I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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