the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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