two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
