well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
