he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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