Umm I'm too high to move.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
