i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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