We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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