Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
