Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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