3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
