I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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