On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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