Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
