I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
