Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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