I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
