Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
