Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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