Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
