I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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