dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So apparently I’m into choking now
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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