hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
