I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
