So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
