She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
