New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
