I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
