im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
