youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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