come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
