This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
