well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
