Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
