I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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