please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
