there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
