Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
