Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We got so high we made milksteak
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
