party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
