is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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