so explain again why im purple
no
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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