I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize