I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
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