Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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