boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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