what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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