I'm so fucking centered right now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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