My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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