I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
