obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
