The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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