I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
