his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize