Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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