waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i will never coherently bang her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
