Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize