You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
