she was so not down for the gang bang
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
