So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
