this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
