I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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