That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
