my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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