if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
