I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
