god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
