how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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