Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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