I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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