So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
