Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
