you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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