Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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