So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
