the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
