Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think I died a long time ago.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
